Text Messages from Last Night.


I have this disease late at night sometimes, involving alcohol and the telephone. I get drunk, and I drive my wife away with breath like mustard gas and roses. And then, speaking gravely and elegantly into the telephone, I ask the telephone operators to connect me with this friend or that one, from whom I have not heard in years.—Kurt Vonnegut

Textsfromlastnight.com (@TFLN) is sweeping the nation as the latest internet trend.  For those less familiar, two guys decided to collect shameful text messages from the previous night and created a blog that reposts the submissions for all to read and enjoy.  I love this ambiguous collection of shameful messages and even more love how the guys at TFLN point out the true nature of ugly, drunk texting without really calling anyone specific out.

We’ve all been victims of drunk texting – whether it’s the sending end or the receiving end.  You generally find yourself waking up Sunday morning hoping that by erasing your embarrassing texts from your phone, you’re also erasing the memory that these asinine messages were ever seen by anyone besides yourself.  If you’re lucky and on the receiving end of the text, you probably just ask yourself “Bitch said WHAT last night?” and chuckle to yourself.

On Saturday night, I found myself in the situation of potential, damaging drunk texting so I made a deal with myself (and with my boyfriend) that I was turning the phone off for the night to avoid any unnecessary alcohol-induced drama.  (With an iPhone texting is only a quarter of the problem – in my drunken indignancy with an iPhone I also have immediate access to send damaging messages via phone call, email, twitter, facebook, myspace, brightkite, and well if you really rialed me up enough to inspire a blog post – I now have wordpress.com running directly to my main screen).  It is obviously easier said than done to just say no to your phone (your buddy) on a Saturday night – so beyond making this decision, I took the following steps to ensure I wouldn’t wind up on TFLN the next morning:

1.  Physically gave boyfriend my phone.

2.  Made verbal contract with boyfriend that he was to keep me away from my phone at all costs.

3.  To cover boyfriend’s ass at 1am when I presumably would forget the verbal contract AND I’D JUST WANT MY GODDAMN PHONE, the below contact was drawn up on a napkin at the bar:

Napkin ContractThis method seemed to turn out great!  I survived the evening (for once) with dignity intact!  I’m considering drawing up contracts like this with him in the future.  You know when they’re coming, you can feel them 1.5 beers in and when you get that urge, you know it’s time for the phone buddy system.  Turn it off, give it to someone you trust, you’ll feel better about it the next morning and will avoid all unnecessary word vomit.


2 Responses to Text Messages from Last Night.

  1. Greg says:

    Your blog is keeping me entertained, even as I watch “Schindler’s List” at 12:51 a.m. A trick I use is purposely not charging my phone the day or night before, knowing full well that my phone will be dead mid-bender.

  2. Diane says:

    You’re such a deep thinker. Have you considered a cabinet post? I think Obama still has a few openings in the Department for Individuals with Too Much Time on Their Hands.

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