I don’t like Joakim Noah. I sorta hate him in the way I hate Manu Ginobili – 
like I’m being hit over the head a million times with stupid. Just erks me in my gut that the Chicago Bulls have such a moron chillin’ on the line up. He runs around the court doin’ da crazy man – thrashing his fists on his chest and making lion growls; in general acting like he’s 8. ESPN’s Jon Greenberg claims if you give him a chance, he’s really smart and professional and personable and blah blah blah. I still hate him and don’t have any interest in giving him a chance. He’s the team clown and a jokester.
But if you’re not a fan of the Florida Gators or the Chicago Bulls or wispy mustaches, you might find the gangly, boisterous Noah and his so-called swag more annoying than Ronnie Woo Woo on Red Bull. You might hate him from his flopping ponytail down to his boat-size Le Coq Sportif high-tops. If you’re a Boston Celtics fan, you’re probably going to boo him mercilessly Tuesday night.
Noah loves the attention of the “haters”, it reinforces his ego. It’s annoying to watch when you’re trying to just tune into a game, not to a performance. Saturday night’s Game 7 was no different. The jackass dresses himself as a hipster head collision patient. Retarded – he looks confused:
I also learned that he refused to bring the team traditioned Krispy Kremes to practice as the newbie because it was further away than Dunkin’ Donuts. Why just do the right thing and get the correct donuts? I just can’t stand this kid, I think he’s done.
I can’t really put this hate for Joakim more eloquently Bill Simmons did in his article on ESPN, Celtics-Bulls is one for the ages:
There’s hate and there’s sports hate. Real hate is not OK. Sports hate is OK. We are fans. We are allowed to “love” certain athletes and “hate” others. It doesn’t mean we actually love them or hate them. So under that umbrella, I present you with the following statement: I hate Joakim Noah. I hate looking at him. I hate his hair. I hate how he dunks. I hate the way he high-fives. I hate every reaction he has. I hate his game. I hate the way announcers pronounce his name. I hate the story that I’ve heard a million times about his tennis-playing father.
I want the Celtics to win for a variety of reasons, but one of them is because it means Joakim Noah would lose. I want him to cry when it’s over. And we are only two games in. I can’t imagine how I’m going to feel about him by Game 5. He’s like a cross between Bill Laimbeer, Marcus Camby and Lisa Bonet. Near the end of Game 2, he wandered over to the Boston bench after a whistle and lingered there pretending to be disappointed about a call — breaking the NBA code of “don’t hang out for too long near someone’s bench,” because, you know, he’s a complete jerk that way — and I was screaming at Kevin Garnett (on my TV), “PUNCH HIM! PUNCH HIM! DON’T LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS! YOU’RE NOT PLAYING ANYWAY! PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!!!!” I hate Joakim Noah. I hate him.
Little does he know, but I already exacted my revenge on him a few months ago, when I took my daughter to a Clippers-Bulls game. She was entranced by Noah’s hair for some reason and asked me in all seriousness, “Is that a girl?” I thought it would be funny to convince her that, yes, Joakim Noah was a girl. She didn’t fully believe me for about a quarter. By the end of the game, Noah was her favorite player and she was excited that girls could play in the NBA. We came home and she said, “Mommy, we saw a girl play at the Clippers game!” My wife thought it was evil that I did this. She made me feel bad. Now I feel happy. I love that it happened. Just retelling the story makes me happy. I hate Joakim Noah.
(Of course, if he played for the Celtics, I’d love him.)
And read this Deadspin article: Noah Declared ‘undead’, Cleared to Play Tonight:
I got excited about the Bulls the way I did in 1998. Southside style – banging pots and pans on Western Avenue and ching chingin’ dem rings, that was a great feeling. But I still hate Joakim Noah.
Posted by frumpyali 
