It’s mother’s day, so I’m throwing down ten reasons why my mom is better than your mom.
When I was a wee one, my mom allowed me to walk around on a summer day wearing a large, furry, pink winter jacket. She has allowed me individuality.
My parents got divorced and some shit went down. For some months, my mom made it her top priority to make sure my sister’s college education was paid for – it was kind nasty and hard, but she got it all down. This made me really proud of her.
I like to taunt her with things I want. For instance, for about a month before Christmas, everyday I would send her multiple messages (texts, emails, PowerPoint presentations) trying to get her to buy me a puggle and give it to me on Christmas morning.
Once I got a little too drunk and threw a frozen pizza at my boyfriend and was really sad so my mom came and picked me up from Lincoln Park and brought me to Beverly at 2 in the morning. That was nice.
She has a pimped out house (major upgrades were made upon both children moving out). But I get to go there and chill on the porch in the summer, smoke a doob, watch mom garden. Good times. She’ll usually buy me and my boyfriend lunch.
On the morning of my birthday, I would wake up to the breakfast nook decorated with streamers and themed birthday party decorations. My mom made my birthday every year very cool. One year she turned our back porch into a 50s dinner. It was raw.
She claims she wiped my ass a lot.
My mom bails me out of stupid shit a lot. Like when I don’t have enough money for my security deposit, she’ll hook it up.
I did not get in trouble for leaving the bong that my sister got me for Christmas on the living room table on Christmas Eve – allowing for mom to wake up to a bong on her coffee table on Christmas morning. I didn’t get yelled at – thanks, mom.
Montag Christmas 2008
She introduced me to macaroni and cheese and hot dogs (in burns, not mixed in with the mac) on Halloween. It’s really, REALLY good!
Thanks for hookin’ it up mom! Happy Mother’s Day!
Posted by frumpyali 
